We had a really good weekend. We took Logan to Universal Studios on Saturday (which I still can't believe we paid Disneyland prices for), but Logan and I had never been there, so it was fun. Normally going places that we know Sawyer would love hurts, but it was a good experience Saturday. Maybe the fact that we hadn't ever gone there with Sawyer was part of it, who knows? Logan had a great time and faced some of his fears (which is pretty much anything with fast movement), and Matt and I enjoyed getting out and walking. On Sunday we just stayed home and did some much needed yard work. Logan had his buddy Shane come over to play for the day. When they were upstairs changing into swim trunks to run through the splash zone we built, I overheard Shane tell Logan, "You're my bestest buddy." That made me smile. Sunday night we had a great dinner with Matt's sister's family and then went to enjoy the last Concert in the Park of the season. All in all, a great weekend.

Then Monday rolled around. I really am enjoying work. I have a great group of kids and I'm doing a lot of after-school clubs and sports to keep me busy. Yet every time I pass Sawyer's school and see the other parents' cars, who I used to say hi to every morning, it just hits me again. So I cry nearly everyday to work, but then I walk into my classroom and I'm okay. Today though, during my prep period, I sat down to copy the school's master calendar events onto my own. Everything was fine until I got to June. I just started thinking about the start of summer vacation last June, and how perfect everything was. Every morning the boys would wake me up and immediately get changed into their swim trunks. They would swim all day long, and I would love watching them. It was really one of the only things they did together without fighting. Even when I would let them sneak into our bed at night, they would fight over who gets to sleep closest to Mommy. Sawyer would body slam Logan to get in between us, so I'd get stuck sandwiched in between the two until Matt got home from work to help me out. I don't ever regret having the pool. Sawyer loved swimming more than anything. I just regret everything else that day. Literally, everything. Every tiny little event that morning could've saved my baby. It's so frustrating to think about. So just sitting at work, thinking about how perfect everything was, and then remembering how short a time it lasted just brought me to tears again. Of course my poor Assistant Principal walked in as I was bawling, but he was right on cue with his "hilarious" jokes.

So life goes on. Some days definitely better than others, and those are the days we look forward to. Still missing you, still loving you, still wanting you back. Forever and always my baby you'll be.