I haven't written in a while. It seems like I have nothing new to say. Work is in full swing now and other than being exhausted by the time I get home, it's nice to have some routine back in our lives. It's good for us to have something else to think about as well. I haven't had any students ask me about "the boys" yet, or comment on the pictures I have of both boys, though I only said I have my husband and beautiful son Logan at home. His pictures still catch my breath. I had to go to the cemetery yesterday to pay for the setting of Sawyer's little stone (which, on a side note, the funeral business is ridiculous when it comes to expenses). I visited with him for a while, and just ran my fingers through the grass, imagining it was his perfect golden hair. I told him the things I always do, but this time I asked him to come visit me at night more often. It's so hard to wake up from those dreams, but I still love them. I love being able to hold him, kiss him, tell him I love him. While life seems to be moving on, it still seems so unreal. I still can't believe this has happened to us, to him. It's just not fair to him. He loved life. I still can't stop myself from running through that day's events, noting each and every thing that we could have done differently, every little thing that could have changed this horrible after June 9 life we're living. I am only thankful that Logan is so strong. He is doing so well, absolutely loving first grade at his new school. He came home yesterday and said, "Mommy, today was the best day at school ever! We did so much plus-ing and minus-ing!" To each his own, right? I'm so proud of him. He still talks about Sawyer all the time, recalling on memories of him, and making sure that Heaven has bananas, because Sawyer loves them.

Well I received the letter I have been both dreading and looking forward to. Today it came from One Legacy, the organ donation company:

"As it was discussed at the hospital, even with all the tests we performed prior to the surgical recovery of the organs, the visualization and biopsy of organs during surgery are the final determinations as to whether the organ will be suitable for transplantation. Unfortunately, we were unable to transplant one of Sawyer's liver segments. We were, however, able to transplant Sawyer's second liver segment, both kidneys, and heart.

Sawyer's second liver segment was transplanted into a baby in California. With this gift of life, everyone is hopeful this baby girl will have a return to good health.

A California woman in her 40s is the recipient of Sawyer's right kidney. She is married, and the mother of two. The transplant center tells us her kidney function is good and she is now free from dialysis treatment.

The recipient of Sawyer's left kidney is another woman in her 40s in California. She volunteers for her church and enjoys singing. We are told her kidney is recovering well and she no longer needs dialysis after receiving treatment for over five years.

Sawyer's heart was transplanted into a child. The transplant took place in Colorado. With the transplant, everyone is hopeful this little boy will have a new healthy life."

Is it selfish to be sad that all organs didn't go to babies? I really want to see the little boy who lives on with Sawyer's heart too. Just a picture. As much as I want to know more, every time I'm reminded of what happened to Sawyer, the wound reopens.

I miss you baby. Please come and visit me tonight. I love you.